Post by Cian M. Black on Mar 7, 2016 4:52:44 GMT
”Okay, ask yourself this. How are you going to take care of a baby by yourself?” Hannah asked her, pulling her legs up and facing her on the couch.
”I don’t know, I’ll figure it out,” Cian said with a sigh. It felt like the thousandth time that she’d answered this question. ”There’s plenty of single mothers out there… it’s not like I’d be the first.” Crisscrossing her legs on the couch, facing her friend, Cian held her mug of hot, herbal tea in both hands and blew on it in an attempt to cool it off. At two months pregnant, she had been making a great effort to make healthier choices for the baby, researching everything she should or shouldn’t eat or do while pregnant.
Ever since she’d found out that she was pregnant, it was safe to say that Cian was sort of freaking out a little. While some of her friends and family were incredibly supportive, apparently Cian had some doubters on her back… such as Hannah. It was hard to not take her words to heart though and talks with Hannah always made Cian feel as if she couldn’t do it… as if she didn’t already have enough doubt.
If she kept the baby, she knew she was going to have to do this alone. Her friends and family could only offer so much support and she knew that it was really up to her. This had been her mistake and the baby was her responsibility. The thought of raising a baby by herself scared the hell out of her and often kept her up at night. Well, that and the strange things that had been happening to her. As if the oddness of her rescue from the crash hadn’t been enough to make her think that she was crazy, she just had to start finding odd things around her apartment. And that was only the tip of the iceberg.
”I don’t think you realize how much this is going to change your life. Partying, hanging out with your friends… say goodbye to all of it Cian, because once that thing pops out, you’re going to be juggling bottles and-“
”Actually, I was thinking about breastfeeding…”
”…what?” Hannah blinked at her, clearly shocked by this.
”It’s better for the baby-“
”Do you even hear yourself? Cian, sweetheart, you keep this baby and your life is pretty much over. You won’t get any sleep, your figure is going to go to hell, you won’t have any time to yourself, and not a single guy is going to want to get involved with you. I mean, would you rather have some Zac Efron lookalike hottie sucking your tits, or a screaming baby? Besides, a kid needs their father and Mr. Hot Stuff from the club isn’t anywhere to be found. It’s just as well though cause he’d probably just get in the way of you getting an abortion or putting this thing up for adoption.”
Holding her mug in one hand, Cian leaned her elbow against the back of the couch and let her head rest against her hand. ”Your support is so comforting…” she said to Hannah, her face a little flushed. Her heart seized in her chest as her friend’s words got to her. Could she really do this? Maybe the baby was better off being put up for adoption… or maybe everyone would just be better off if she got an abortion, as much as the idea made her anxious and sick to her stomach. A part of her had grown attached to the life growing inside of her, but she was so damned terrified of doing this alone.
Hannah was right though. Killian wasn’t anywhere to be found… not that she had much on him to find him anyway. She didn’t have a phone number or even a last name to go off of. He’d entirely disappeared after their rather intense one-night stand and she was thoroughly convinced that she would never see him again. If she did keep this baby… he or she would never know his or her father and wouldn’t even stand a chance at finding him.
”Look, I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t know if I can just abort my baby put him or her up for adoption… I just… I don’t know, I have to think about it. I’m just afraid to do this alone.” Cian looked away, fear stirring in her heart as her eyes stung with unshed tears.
”And that’s exactly why you should just go ahead with the abortion before it’s too late…” Hannah said, placing a comforting hand on Cian’s knee. ”Poof. Problem solved, like it never even happened… Don’t even torture yourself with the doctor’s appointments anymore. The last thing you want is to feel any attachment if you’re just going to get rid of it.”
This talk wasn’t exactly making Cian feel any better, but luckily for her, Hannah was already looking at her phone to check the time. ”Look, I have to go. I have a date. Just let me know what you decide and when you decide it. I can go with you to the clinic.”
Watching Hannah get up, Cian drank some more of her tea as Hannah gathered her things and headed toward the door. ”I’ll see you later,” Hannah said cheerily, heading out the door and shutting it tightly behind her.
”Yeah, see you later,” Cian mumbled morosely. Pulling her legs off of the couch, she set her feet on the floor and picked up the pictures from the ultrasound she’d had just that morning. Her heart ached just looking at the tiny, creepy looking jellybean that was her baby. Draining the rest of her tea, she set the mug down on the coffee table and then wiped at the tears that started to spill down her face.
Setting down the ultrasound pictures as well, she was in dire need of a shower simply to help clear her mind. The last person she should be taking advice from was Hannah, but her words still got to her because they played on her own thoughts and fears. Heading into the bathroom, Cian turned on the shower and stripped down, tossing her clothes into the hamper before climbing in.
Immersing herself in her thoughts and allowing the water to pour over her as she washed herself off, Cian thought about what it would be like to raise a child by herself… and then she thought about what it would be like to do as Hannah suggested. Could she really go through with that and be able to sleep at night. Her life would be consumed with what-ifs, no matter what her decision turned out to be in the end. Running her hands over her still flat stomach, her heart swelled in her chest, but the tears ran down her face, mingling with the water from the shower.
When she was thoroughly clean and the water started to run cold, Cian finally turned off the water and pulled herself out. Wrapping her towel around herself, she stopped dead at the sight of the mirror, her blood running cold. It wasn’t the first time in the past few months that she’d seen something written in the fog of her mirror within the past few months, but this one really hit home. “Congrats, it’s a boy.”
Okay, someone was really messing with her and it was going way too far. Numbly setting a hand over her stomach, she wondered if this was some sort of sign. Of course she knew what her decision was going to be anyway; she couldn’t just get rid of her baby and pretend this never happened. Running her hand over the mirror, she erased the message, but she couldn’t get it out of her head. A boy. Although, she probably shouldn’t put too much faith in the words written on her mirror by the apartment ghost.
Heading out of the bathroom, Cian was about to head into the bedroom to get dressed when a noise from the kitchen pervaded her senses. Brows knitting together and heart sinking, she made her was slowly and silently down the hall and toward the kitchen and living room. ”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN?!” she yelled upon seeing a man digging through her fridge. Her face was pale and she stayed back, extremely conscious of the fact that she was just in her towel. Clutching it to her, she grabbed hold of the closest thing to her to defend herself with, which happened to be a glass vase. She would hit him over the head with it if she had to.
When she finally saw his face, her heart just about stopped. After the night they shared, she wasn’t likely to forget him anytime soon. Not to mention, he wasn’t like any of the guys she had ever met before, and that included appearances. Standing right there was the father of her child, the same man that had practically disappeared off the face of the earth after sweeping her off her feet and taking her virginity. ”Killian?” Trying to get over her shock, her hand lowered a little, but she didn’t let go of the vase. She had no idea what his intentions were after all. ”How the hell did you get in here?!”
”I don’t know, I’ll figure it out,” Cian said with a sigh. It felt like the thousandth time that she’d answered this question. ”There’s plenty of single mothers out there… it’s not like I’d be the first.” Crisscrossing her legs on the couch, facing her friend, Cian held her mug of hot, herbal tea in both hands and blew on it in an attempt to cool it off. At two months pregnant, she had been making a great effort to make healthier choices for the baby, researching everything she should or shouldn’t eat or do while pregnant.
Ever since she’d found out that she was pregnant, it was safe to say that Cian was sort of freaking out a little. While some of her friends and family were incredibly supportive, apparently Cian had some doubters on her back… such as Hannah. It was hard to not take her words to heart though and talks with Hannah always made Cian feel as if she couldn’t do it… as if she didn’t already have enough doubt.
If she kept the baby, she knew she was going to have to do this alone. Her friends and family could only offer so much support and she knew that it was really up to her. This had been her mistake and the baby was her responsibility. The thought of raising a baby by herself scared the hell out of her and often kept her up at night. Well, that and the strange things that had been happening to her. As if the oddness of her rescue from the crash hadn’t been enough to make her think that she was crazy, she just had to start finding odd things around her apartment. And that was only the tip of the iceberg.
”I don’t think you realize how much this is going to change your life. Partying, hanging out with your friends… say goodbye to all of it Cian, because once that thing pops out, you’re going to be juggling bottles and-“
”Actually, I was thinking about breastfeeding…”
”…what?” Hannah blinked at her, clearly shocked by this.
”It’s better for the baby-“
”Do you even hear yourself? Cian, sweetheart, you keep this baby and your life is pretty much over. You won’t get any sleep, your figure is going to go to hell, you won’t have any time to yourself, and not a single guy is going to want to get involved with you. I mean, would you rather have some Zac Efron lookalike hottie sucking your tits, or a screaming baby? Besides, a kid needs their father and Mr. Hot Stuff from the club isn’t anywhere to be found. It’s just as well though cause he’d probably just get in the way of you getting an abortion or putting this thing up for adoption.”
Holding her mug in one hand, Cian leaned her elbow against the back of the couch and let her head rest against her hand. ”Your support is so comforting…” she said to Hannah, her face a little flushed. Her heart seized in her chest as her friend’s words got to her. Could she really do this? Maybe the baby was better off being put up for adoption… or maybe everyone would just be better off if she got an abortion, as much as the idea made her anxious and sick to her stomach. A part of her had grown attached to the life growing inside of her, but she was so damned terrified of doing this alone.
Hannah was right though. Killian wasn’t anywhere to be found… not that she had much on him to find him anyway. She didn’t have a phone number or even a last name to go off of. He’d entirely disappeared after their rather intense one-night stand and she was thoroughly convinced that she would never see him again. If she did keep this baby… he or she would never know his or her father and wouldn’t even stand a chance at finding him.
”Look, I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t know if I can just abort my baby put him or her up for adoption… I just… I don’t know, I have to think about it. I’m just afraid to do this alone.” Cian looked away, fear stirring in her heart as her eyes stung with unshed tears.
”And that’s exactly why you should just go ahead with the abortion before it’s too late…” Hannah said, placing a comforting hand on Cian’s knee. ”Poof. Problem solved, like it never even happened… Don’t even torture yourself with the doctor’s appointments anymore. The last thing you want is to feel any attachment if you’re just going to get rid of it.”
This talk wasn’t exactly making Cian feel any better, but luckily for her, Hannah was already looking at her phone to check the time. ”Look, I have to go. I have a date. Just let me know what you decide and when you decide it. I can go with you to the clinic.”
Watching Hannah get up, Cian drank some more of her tea as Hannah gathered her things and headed toward the door. ”I’ll see you later,” Hannah said cheerily, heading out the door and shutting it tightly behind her.
”Yeah, see you later,” Cian mumbled morosely. Pulling her legs off of the couch, she set her feet on the floor and picked up the pictures from the ultrasound she’d had just that morning. Her heart ached just looking at the tiny, creepy looking jellybean that was her baby. Draining the rest of her tea, she set the mug down on the coffee table and then wiped at the tears that started to spill down her face.
Setting down the ultrasound pictures as well, she was in dire need of a shower simply to help clear her mind. The last person she should be taking advice from was Hannah, but her words still got to her because they played on her own thoughts and fears. Heading into the bathroom, Cian turned on the shower and stripped down, tossing her clothes into the hamper before climbing in.
Immersing herself in her thoughts and allowing the water to pour over her as she washed herself off, Cian thought about what it would be like to raise a child by herself… and then she thought about what it would be like to do as Hannah suggested. Could she really go through with that and be able to sleep at night. Her life would be consumed with what-ifs, no matter what her decision turned out to be in the end. Running her hands over her still flat stomach, her heart swelled in her chest, but the tears ran down her face, mingling with the water from the shower.
When she was thoroughly clean and the water started to run cold, Cian finally turned off the water and pulled herself out. Wrapping her towel around herself, she stopped dead at the sight of the mirror, her blood running cold. It wasn’t the first time in the past few months that she’d seen something written in the fog of her mirror within the past few months, but this one really hit home. “Congrats, it’s a boy.”
Okay, someone was really messing with her and it was going way too far. Numbly setting a hand over her stomach, she wondered if this was some sort of sign. Of course she knew what her decision was going to be anyway; she couldn’t just get rid of her baby and pretend this never happened. Running her hand over the mirror, she erased the message, but she couldn’t get it out of her head. A boy. Although, she probably shouldn’t put too much faith in the words written on her mirror by the apartment ghost.
Heading out of the bathroom, Cian was about to head into the bedroom to get dressed when a noise from the kitchen pervaded her senses. Brows knitting together and heart sinking, she made her was slowly and silently down the hall and toward the kitchen and living room. ”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN?!” she yelled upon seeing a man digging through her fridge. Her face was pale and she stayed back, extremely conscious of the fact that she was just in her towel. Clutching it to her, she grabbed hold of the closest thing to her to defend herself with, which happened to be a glass vase. She would hit him over the head with it if she had to.
When she finally saw his face, her heart just about stopped. After the night they shared, she wasn’t likely to forget him anytime soon. Not to mention, he wasn’t like any of the guys she had ever met before, and that included appearances. Standing right there was the father of her child, the same man that had practically disappeared off the face of the earth after sweeping her off her feet and taking her virginity. ”Killian?” Trying to get over her shock, her hand lowered a little, but she didn’t let go of the vase. She had no idea what his intentions were after all. ”How the hell did you get in here?!”
